Why I Don’t Settle in Relationships and You Shouldn't Either
Good Day Starshine!
How you doin’? I thought I’d write something a little special this week regarding relationships and why I never settle.
I know, it sounds like I have these super high expectations, and before you say “see that’s why you single” let me give you some backstory, okay?
Ok, I was having a conversation with my mother who of course is a different generation than me. I would talk about what my boyfriend at the time wouldn’t do that really irked my being. Such as, he doesn’t take the trash out when it’s full, I always end up doing it. OR, he doesn’t sweep the floor when he “cleans” the kitchen. He does the laundry but refuses to fold the clothes afterwards.
What I would always hear is, “at least he does the dishes, most men won’t even do that.”
“at least he does the laundry, most men don’t do that.”
“at least… (fill in your settlement excuse here)”
I kept thinking to myself, why do men always get the “exception”? Why do they get to do the bare minimum and be rewarded and women still have to work twice as hard and still have the possibility of being underappreciated?
In my relationships, I always felt that both partners should be giving their all. That includes household duties. I understand that there are differences in how things get done because of our personalities and upbringing. I understand that some standards should just be laid to rest. What I will never do, though, is give my partner an excuse just because he is a man.
There should be no “at least he…” I don’t want to settle for that bare minimum because then he would feel, in my opinion, that he doesn’t have to put in a ton of work in the relationship and can therefore ride the wave because “wifey” will take care of the rest.
In a traditional/old school relationship, this type of thinking may be okay for some people. Some women and men like having the woman take care of the house and kids while he works, but I am not that kind of woman. I expect him to be my partner. I am not his shadow. When we walk together, you see both of us as one, not one higher than the other.
When we walk together, you see both of us as one, not one higher than the other.
In a marriage, I feel that we should lift each other up to the highest point, that way no one is left behind or felt “less than”. If you see something that isn’t quite right, then take the initiative to figure it out.
If the trash is full, take the damn thing outside.
I know it really sounds petty to some, but I just wanted this to resonate. If you accept the bare minimum on almost everything, then they will only give you that much. Don’t settle for such, but don’t make it so high that no one can please you.
There has to be a balance. I allow for human error, because none of us are perfect. If I notice that you are taking the initiative to learn and be a better version of yourself, then I am patient with that. Just like I expect the same in return. But you will never catch me giving bare minimum to my partner, and I won’t accept them doing the same.
Because partners work together as a team.
So, BOY BYE!