What Side Do You Reveal to Others, or Is It All Just Good Enough?
While I was editing some vids (shameless plug: check out my channel), I grabbed a still from one of those videos. I was looking directly into the camera, for what reason, I have no idea, but it stopped me in my tracks.
When did confidence first hit me? To be honest, I don't think it ever did. It was more of a gradual pull upwards, that helped me find that beauty from within. And although it is a struggle sometimes (because...life), I realized in that moment how far I'd come.
Long gone are those days where I contemplated my need for existence because I was the "ugly duckling", or because I am treated like an outcast. But, don't get me wrong, as of late, I've struggled with the outcast thing. I'm not going to lie, it’s been tough. Not that I question my existence, but I don't quite understand why I was never fully accepted.
No, no, I'm not only talking about with friends and strangers, but with family too. I know I'm weird and quirky, it’s one of the things I pride myself on. But sometimes it gets to me when I am not included, or not a forethought. Sometimes I feel like I must jump on rooftops of fire lit cars sinking in the middle of a lake to be seen. And even then, I'm bypassed.
What do you do then, when you've had enough of questioning YOUR enough? Is that confusing? I hope not.
If I could let you in on a little secret...I’m still figuring it out.
For as long as I can remember, I'd been trying to people please. Either because I didn't want them to treat me badly or because I wanted them to SEE me. But what part of myself did I willingly reveal? The lost puppy searching for a loving home DESPERATE for love? Or did I really show who I was authentically?
I think it’s a little bit of both. I think we all show little windows of our souls, but we keep it open just a crack to make sure it’s safe in the world. And when (or if) someone tries to damage it, we build a barricade over that window, until all that's left is a prison wall.
How do we escape the cycle and learn to live in our enough?
What’s odd is that people always offer clichés about what you should and shouldn't do to feel at peace with your life. Everything is a positive affirmation, until it isn't. So, since I like to be realistic, here are a few things I have implemented to get the ball rolling.
HOW TO LIVE IN YOUR "ENOUGH"
Ask God to reveal your true character and mold you to accept that person
Turn down the noise by focusing on what is TRUE. You can do this by meditating (start at 5 minutes a day!), and sitting in silence basking in God's presence
Pray to feel God's acceptance above all else
I know so many people that do not journal. If you are not a Journaling type person, that's okay. But you may need some sort of outlet to get those feelings out. Try your hand at poetry, or brain dumping, maybe even short stories based on your life! You never know what'll come of it
Be patient with yourself
I'm used to be impatient. It gets tough when I don't see the progress like I'd hoped (or if it doesn't come quick enough). But it is very important that you give yourself the time to transition. Be gentle with yourself, lay off the harshness, and realize you're doing the best you can...even if your best is minimal.
Yeah, cliché, I know. Showing gratitude in trying seasons of your life helps you look at the situation a little differently. Where this boulder may look like a roadblock, if you step 10 steps back, you'll realize you can just step around it. And maybe you couldn't find a way past it because you were too close to the problem. When you're grateful, you stop making your problem bigger than God, and you are allowing him to move in your life. While it will be hard, he will be able to give you the clarity to step back, reevaluate from his view, and find the way to finish that path living in your enough.
With that, I am intentionally living in my enough from this day forward; I hope you join me in this journey. Life isn’t all peaches and fairies, and that’s okay. I just want to be at peace knowing that I am enough, even when I don’t always feel it. Ya dig?
Thanks for reading. Speak life and love.