This Could Be Why Your Friends Are Disappearing
If you knew how hard it was and how long it took to rebuild my little universe of peace and happiness, then you would understand why I’m so picky about who I let in my life
Good Day Starshine!
It’s been a while, eh? Well, I’ve been doing some self-reflection, and much needed self-love, and part of that was really figuring out what I want to continue to have in my life. That included friends, family, colleagues, energy, books. You name it, I was thinking about it.
Whilst thinking of this, I came to the conclusion that toxic people are tumultuous to my growth as a person. In order for me to realize who was toxic in my life, I had to figure out FIRST if I was a toxic person in anyone’s life. This has taken me years to figure out.
“How did you figure out if you were toxic, Tanaya?”
I’m so glad you asked.
1. I did a self reflection of myself and how I noticed people act when I was around
This may seem more harmful than good, but I promise you, it’s worth the search. I started to notice that people would be angrier when I was around. Sometimes people would have hurt feelings by things that I said. There were times when I could feel the energy shift because I complained too much about the same problem, and people were tired of hearing it. I noticed that people were afraid to speak to me because they thought I’d talk them in circles, or try to prove them wrong.
For me, that was a red flag to deeply re-connect with God and ask Him to help me shift my energy to something more positive in life. Not the same old drabby Poetik that everyone was used to. I didn’t do this for other people, though. I did this because I was tired of the negative energy controlling my life.
2. Blamed Others for My Problems
There was a time in my life when I blamed other people for all the bad things that happened in my life. And I see a lot of other people do the same. There are many times when we should be able to take responsibility of our part in the outcome of our lives. Our reactions to situations can either make your life better, or worse, there is no in between. I would blame another person’s tone on why I would lash out at them. Which, I am still working on because Mama can’t stand people’s disrespectful tones.
However, I have learned that my reaction to things is what can change my reflection of myself. Why allow that to hinder my personal growth?
3. Friends Disappeared
Now, I’m not one with many friends. Yes, I am acquainted with a lot of people. But I only have a select few friends that I wholeheartedly trust. But before these friends entered my life, I was a lonely soldier. I would invite “friends” and family to birthday events, NYE parties, graduation parties, etc and no one would show up. I’d be performing in a play, and I’d invite friends to Opening Night, and I wouldn’t spot them in the audience.
But one day, something happened. I started to think about all the events I told people I’d go to, but never showed up. Or the times when I made the most outlandish excuses to skip out on something I made a commitment to. I didn’t have great friends, because I wasn’t a great friend.
In learning to be a good friend and be completely honest with them, and myself, while attending the committments I made with them, I started to really notice my true friends. And I started to appreciate the ones that stuck around and encouraged me to be great. In return I did the same for them. I stopped looking to those friends that didn’t show up in my life, and focused on the ones that did.
Quality, not quantity people.
4. I Was Jealous of Some Close Relatives and Friends
I am a person that loves to encourage people and help people notice their true potential. But there was a time that I would notice that as happy as I seemed for other people, I would become jealous at their success. Why? There’s enough seats at the table for everyone!
Although I rooted for others, I just couldn’t find it in myself to be completely happy. This happened most recently when Peter (my fiance at the time) got a brand new 2017 Nissan Rogue. I was happy that he did this, but upset at my circumstance at the same time. I was in dire need of a car. We talked about getting us a car while he decided to trade his in. I was so upset because, in my thoughts, it looked like he was more concerned with him getting a new vehicle even though he already had one, instead of me getting a vehicle because I needed one.
That day was rainy, and my energy matched the weather. He could feel it, I could feel it. In a moment when I should’ve been happy for him, I was too focused on what I didn’t have. I kept coming up with reasons why he deserved it, and why I didn’t. He was selfless, kind, patient. I was none of that, so I didn’t deserve to have great things.
All of which, are lies. You see,
The devil will lie to you in your own voice. So, tread lightly.
I let God and Peter know that I was happy for him, but him succeeding just made me notice how much I am not. At that moment, I knew that this is one area that I have a lot of work to do.
The best part about that is, I realize that there is work to do, and I am not going to make an excuse for it. I am now working on that part of me, so I can appreciate life on a whole new level.
So, if any of this has helped you notice toxic ways about yourself. Let’s deeply reflect on why. Let’s take responsibility for our actions! Let’s encourage one another with honesty, respect, and love.
No one can make you react without your permission.