• Tanaya Eyvette

Q&A On Why I Wrote the Interracial Dating Series

I have had a few questions regarding my interest in writing my blog posts about interracial dating. I thought I’d share a few of my answers from those questions in a totally new post! Hope you enjoy!


1. Why did you decide to blog about interracial relationships?


A: I was in an interracial relationship a few times. My last one was for 6 years. I really wanted to feel a sense of community within the interracial dating spectrum, but I didn’t find it like I thought I would. There was little support for the type of relationship my ex and I had. There were some pages dedicated to AMBW (Asian Men Black Women) relationships, but it was very surface-like support.


I was also very curious to know about others’ experiences with interracial dating. I knew what I’d gone through, I wanted to see if other people experienced similar things. Because, honestly, dating outside your race can get tricky- especially for those that experience such a culture shock like I did.


There was a high hope for me to speak to men that were dating outside their race. But I didn’t get any volunteers for that. I was specifically hoping to get some Asian men dating Black women (this may happen in a later blog post).


The reason is- the difference is uncanny. Most people I know that are non-Black PoC will tell you that dating white is more acceptable than dating Black. I’ve heard it from many people and unfortunately have seen it with my own eyes. The issues usually come from the parents of the individual dating out their race. Many people will say their parents don’t think that way, but these same people I’ve talked to have never brought one of us home to meet their parents. I dare some of you to try it though, I’m telling you that you will be surprised at their reaction.


Lastly, I wanted to bring to light the love that is being buried by all of the ignorance from non-accepting people. There is something so much bigger than the fact we are interracial dating. We love each other’s differences, we value each other’s cultures and experiences that molded the person we are with. In my case, the lack of support from parents was the little spark to to a rope filled with gasoline. The tip of destruction, because neither one of us could figure out how to navigate the disapproval.


2. Would you ever date inter-racially again, more specifically, Hmong/Asian?


A: Ooooo hard one. Um, I would definitely date outside my race again. I have never been opposed to dating any race (including my own). Would I date Hmong again? I really don’t know. There is so much trauma (and drama) that I need to unpack and let go before I decide to date in that culture/race again.


I will say that I would need to know for sure that there is a firm understanding of his role as the man, and their role as the parents in our lives. I would need him to defend/protect me as the potential wife against any hurtful things that may be said about me negatively. If I was a shitty person, then I could see why people wouldn’t like me. But if your dislike for me is purely because I am not the same race as you, then my partner should defend me at all costs.


3. Is there anything you regret from your last relationship?

A: No, they are all lessons learned. Something I wish I would’ve done differently is stand up for myself more. I really let people walk all over me because I wanted to respect the culture. In the end I became resentful. Not a regret though, I just know that in the future what I need to do for my own peace of mind.


4. Why do you blame the parents for you and your ex breaking up?


A: I know I speak a lot about my ex’s parents being one of the many things to our destruction. I don’t blame them for the complete reason we broke up. There were many factors. The culture I decided to date has heavy ties with family, especially parents. A lot of the kids, at least in my case, find it hard to disappoint their parents or bring shame to their parents. Since this was my ex’s first interracial relationship, there were a lot of new things that came up that he didn’t know how to deal with. There is only a point where I blamed his parents for refusing to come to a resolve on their issue with me. Which caused a huuuuuuge issue within itself because my ex basically chose to ride the fence between me and his parents.


Anywho, there are tons of things that were the cause of the parents that trickled down to our relationship. They are not the only reason we broke up. But they had a heavy hand in our demise.


You honestly wouldn’t understand unless you’ve been in a traditional Black and Hmong/Asian relationship. There’s not much I can say from here.


I hope you enjoyed my short Q&A! Let me know if you have anymore things you’d like me to explore!


XX,

Tanaya


#ambw #interracialdating

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