Healing from my workplace || Part VI- The Final Straw
Hiiiii! This is the LAST part of the series! YAYYY!
Catch up here!
Okay, so I left off with that terrible telemarketer call. So after that day, I decided I was going to put in my two-weeks’ notice. I prayed about it, God made it clear, so I did it. It took about a week of convincing though. I was too afraid that I was letting July down. That all this work she’d been trying to do for me was gone to shit.
I felt that I would get talked about, that I would get treated even worse OR I’d be convinced to stay. I told myself that there is nothing that could make me stay. The damage was done, and I deserved better. I finally typed up my letter for the third time that week, printed it off, signed it, and went into July’s office to turn it in.
“I have great news for me, not so great news for you.”
“Oh boy, what is it?”
“I’m leaving. Here’s my two-week notice. I’ll be finished by the end of December.”
July looked at me so disappointed.
“You know, I’m sad and angry that it’s come to this, but I completely understand. I really tried to move you up but it just wasn’t working.”
“I know July. But, this is just what I have to do for my own sanity. Do you know I had to take mental health days because of the toxicity in this place? That time I went on a solo cabin trip was because I needed time away from everything. I felt hopeless.”
“You know, next time you decide to disappear you just take me with you!” July said with a giggle.
I walked into Anne’s office to let her know that I finally put in my letter. She knew I’d been looking for other work, and so did Anna. She told me,
“Good. I’m so angry at how this has happened, but you deserve better.”
I didn’t get that job I had applied for, but I knew there was more out there for me.
I started to make my rounds through the office to share the news. Anna was NOT happy.
She literally cried and hugged me so tight.
“They are wrong for treated such talent like this. There was so much potential, and they let you get away. I am pissed.”
I sat there teary-eyed, because she was right. There was so much potential. The ugly head could’ve riddled pretty results if pride and ego were not in the way. But, that’s not what happened.
July called me after work to tell me that Mark wanted to set-up a meeting to discuss my letter. For the first time in the 2 years I’d been there, Mark finally wanted to discuss my position with me personally. There were only 12 employees, so it wasn’t like he didn’t see me on the regular. I guess he could stop snooping by my desk like Sarah to peek around the corner to look at my computer screen. (I caught Sarah on numerous occasions peeking around the corner to see what I was looking at on my screen, to counter that, I got a privacy screen).
That Monday, I went into Mark’s office with July. I was so nervous and shaking so badly, I had to sit on my hands to keep them from seeing it. Mark wanted to know why I suddenly wanted to leave. I didn’t feel like it was important anymore, so I told him it was time for me to go. Also, that I’d be starting school in January and needed to do something I loved doing. Mark stunned me with one question-
“could you stay on longer until we find someone to cover your position?”
“I think you’re a fantastic employee, and I’d hate to lose that. But it would really suck if you left and we didn’t have someone to cover. Could you give it some thought?”
“I’ll think about it and let you know by Friday.”
For those few days, I prayed diligently. Asking God to help me with this decision, but I feel like it was another test (you know the teacher is always silent during the test). I was angry because I didn’t want to do this. I really didn’t. But I had to use the tools he supplied me with. I decided to stay on until the end of February.
That Friday, July and I walked into Mark’s office with my new date in mind.
“February 29, 2020. That’s my deadline.”
“okay, that sounds amazing. Thank you for doing this. We’ll work around your school schedule and still pay you for the day.”
“Okay, there’s one more thing. I need as little to do with Sarah as possible.”
“I know that you two didn’t get along as much as we’d hoped. But are you saying you don’t want to talk to her?”
“She sees her authority up here, and me here,” I placed my hands a long distance with one above the other to show emphasis.
“and I don’t want to deal with that for the remainder of my time.”
July became my supervisor for the last two months of me working there...
Fast forward to February, they decided to give me a Happy Hour send-off. At this point, Sarah was only talking to me via email. Which I was fine with, and she had me set it up with her. Towards the end, we were discussing too much via email so I decided to walk to her in the file room and talk to her bout some discussion we were having. She looked shocked that I even said a word to her verbally.
Anyway-I’m getting off track. They hired the person that interviewed for the job the same time as me two and half years ago. She started in February and I had to train her in two-weeks’ time. That was one heck of a ride.
The happy hour came around, all the colleagues were there. We had a great time. Anna cried, telling me she’s still upset that they pushed me out the doors in that way.
The night ended five hours later with me, Anna, July and July’s sister in-law, laughing up a storm. The company gave me gifts, and a picture of them (not sure what I’ll do with that). I left feeling confused, and quite frankly, still full of fire.
Don’t get wrong, I was ecstatic to be gone. I started school, and I began doing things I loved again. Actually, this is the happiest I’ve been in a looooong time. But, part of me still had tension about that old job of mine. I still had “what would Sarah think?” implanted in my head when I’d go make a decision. I still thought about whether the new girl was getting treated like me or if she was getting treated better.
But why? I’m free!... Right?
I sat down to start writing about healing from this job two weeks after I had quit. I stopped mid-way and couldn’t finish because I wasn’t ready to deal with the trauma I had endured. This week, I picked up where I left off, and I haven’t stopped writing yet (as you can see, these are all written in parts).
So, to sum it up, and I’m so happy you all are reading this far, do NOT let a company run your mental health to the ground.
For me, I thought that I had to deal with it. That I had no other option because it would never be that good anywhere else. But it wasn’t even good. My standards were so low that I accepted anything from anyone and I lost myself in the midst of it. Don’t let that happen to you.
So as I sign off, I wanted to tell all of you where I am now. I’m home (since #socialdistancing is still a thing), and I am loving every minute. I blog full-time, go to school full-time, and I work at my dad’s church. A place where I am appreciated and loved. Where my gifts aren’t under utilized and I’m not chastised for having a difference of opinion.
But so that we’re clear, I don’t hate anyone I worked with previously. I don’t blame the ones that tried to support me. I don’t even wish harm on Sarah. I actually wish her well. But I wouldn’t stop karma from biting her if I saw it. I spoke with my best friend about my fury with this job, and she had to remind me that it’s not my place to correct it. So, I decided to heal the “write way”. And that is what you all are reading right now.
Thank you for reading throughout this journey. I feel like a HUGE weight is lifted off my shoulders because I no longer feel silenced. I no longer feel censored. You see that name that is typed in that URL? That’s my name and I can, and will, say whatever I please. And I dare someone to say that I can’t.
Enjoy your lives readers, live it up and love on yourself hard. Don’t let anyone take your shine. Radiate that beauty and encourage others like I plan to do. Until next time.