Healing from my workplace || Part V-Dignity
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Okay, we left off on me finding my dignity. What I didn’t share was that I was going through transformation on my own time at home. I’d become more diligent in prayer and journaling, and I was learning to heal old wounds. I saw this video from Pastor Michael Todd’s church Transformation Church (it was a guest pastor), and he said,
“If you are at your 4th job and you’re still dealing with the same type of boss from your 1st job, then there’s a test in there you haven’t passed yet.”
I got to thinking, since this was my second worst job experience, Sarah reminded of my first worst job experience. My boss was a woman (my colleagues too), and they hated that I didn’t follow their authority. Not that I had an issue with authority, but I didn’t like the way they treated our co-workers. They’d talk down to them, yell at them, threaten termination, ALL of it (I worked at McDonald’s by the way). When I became manager, I didn’t do any of that stuff. I talked to them with respect, and in turn they respected me. I treated them with dignity, and I didn’t use my “stature” for intimidation, but as a way to show them that you don’t have to be stank to be a manager.
Those colleagues HATED that. They told me I was too soft, that I needed more authority and whatnot. What I told them was, “show me where their work isn’t getting done. Show me where this place isn’t clean. Show me where there is an unhappy employee when I work a shift. When you can show me that, then we can talk. Until then, we have nothing to discuss.”
Eventually, all the managers (except one) turned on me and started nit-picking at every little thing I did. I was new to this store so they felt like they could say and do whatever, I guess. Apparently since I didn’t fit into their clique, it was enough for them to treat me a certain way. One manager tried her luck with me, I cursed her out so bad all the managers stayed away from me from that point on.
That is exactly what I wanted to do with Sarah. But I felt that I couldn’t, because the way I solved my problem at McDonald’s was not the way it would work here. Was I able to risk losing my job and, because of my absence, cause hardship on the co-workers that appreciated me? No, I wasn’t at the time. So, I stuck through it.
I started training in April for accounting. When November rolled around, I had stopped the meetings with July and Sarah by this time. I told July that I was finished playing these games. I had no time for them anymore. July agreed, and told me to just keep working and she’ll keep training me to move up. The problem is, Mark didn’t think I was ready to move to the new department. I believe it was because Sarah was so deep in his ear. I only say that because I heard he was going around the office asking different employees about my work ethic. From my understanding, no one said I was bad at my job, and that I got everything done on-time.
But, no one truly defended me. They didn’t stand up and say, “Tanaya needs to be moved because Sarah is taking her authority too far and she has been since Tanaya was hired. I know, I SEE IT!” Not one person took that initiative.
It’s funny because I started getting this image in my head. When someone sees someone else getting bullied in the hallway, does saying to the person being bullied “I notice what’s happening. I don’t like it” but never going to the right people to make it stop, count as being an ally? No, it doesn’t. So, I didn’t feel that I had true allies. I had people that were too afraid to put themselves in the hotseat, even though they knew that what was happening was unfair.
In late November, I was typing up a service agreement for the PM team, just thinking about how good I’d be in Accounting, when God spoke to me clear as day,
“That’s not the job for you.”
Woah. My body felt hot, and I wanted to cry (not the first time I’ve cried at my desk). I messaged Peter and told him what just happened, and we agreed that I’d follow-up with God in prayer to ask when I should be gone. This was about to be MAJOR.
The next month, Sarah had some weird thing happening (it happened every year around this time) where she’d run out of things to do so she felt she had to micro-manage what I was doing. Around this time there was this telemarketer number calling constantly, I typically blocked them. Because, you know, duh. They decided to dial any extension they could and they got to Anne’s cell phone. Anne called out, “is someone looking for Sarah? I tried giving them her extension but they keep coming back.” (Sarah decided that she didn’t need an extension. So to get to her, you had to call me).
I thought, oh boy, this is about to be bad. About this time, I had just come back from being gone for a few days from a family death. Sarah had something up her ass so she intentionally would not walk in front of my desk (she always walked in front of my desk to be nosy), and she would say hi obnoxiously to everyone around the office. When she’d get to my desk, she’d pretend she didn’t see me and leave. I chuckled and said, “weirdo”. So, imagine, 2 days of being back in the office and these are her first words to me on that third day.
“Why aren’t you answering the phones? I need that call.”
“It was an 800 number, a call that is typically a telemarketer-
“yeah but it’s for me. DON’T ignore calls, it’s YOUR JOB to answer phone calls. If they keep calling then add them to the blacklist” She says as she disappears from my desk.
“I WAS going to add them to my blacklist BECAUSE they kept calling-“
“WELL THEY NEED TO GET AHOLD OF ME SO DO-“
“You know what? When they call I’ll forward them to you from now on.”
Mark, who had been behind me this entire time (he’s our president) waiting for his print job, did not say a word. He grabbed his work and headed back to his desk.
So I knew then, that this bubble was about to burst and I needed to get out of there.
To be continued…
There’s ONE MORE PART to this series! I can’t wait to share!