Do You Struggle With Your Weight? Read This
When I first started to gain weight as a preteen, I hadn’t noticed. Actually, I was told that I gained weight by the unhappy expression on my mother’s face when she saw me for the first time in months. As a kid, you already go through this identity crisis because you’re trying things that seem like you. But what happens when your identity gets wrapped into what others think you are?
For many years, I tried being the best I could be in academia. I thought it’d be something my parents would be proud of me for doing. Well, that, and my eldest sister always got good grades. #Genius. Since I had gained so much weight, I felt like a disappointment, and the devil made sure things orchestrated to prove just that. I thought that since I struggled with obesity, maybe succeeding in school could help take people’s eyes off my weight (I was wrong by the way).
However, what I succeeded at in academia, left a lot of other things to the wayside. Hobbies that I put down, talents became underutilized, gifts I stopped using, everything that could have made me a well-rounded individual long before my 20’s. But I wanted to be accepted so badly, that I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t.
As a 29-year-old, I’m just now learning the beauty in imperfection. I am learning the beauty in cellulite butts, hitting wrong notes on the piano, and sucking hard core at math. I am learning that it’s okay if you’re not okay, and I’m learning to just breathe through it.
While I was over there trying to be Miss Betty Crocker, I was missing out on a whole life full of fun experiences because I was too afraid to step outside of the box people labeled me. One cold day in 2016, I decided that I had had enough.
Aren’t you tired too?
I decided to start seeing the joy instead of waiting for it. I decided that even though I was crying and having a temper tantrum one minute, that things would play out for my good. I knew that God has (and will always) have my back, front, side, and heart whenever I needed it (or didn’t need it). Because that’s just who God is, and he created us to be human versions of his divinity. Which can only be imperfect, falling short, scraping knees, and eventually getting back up again.
So you, reading this right now, just know that this is only the beginning. It all starts with you taking that step and searching deep inside you to find a little sparkle of joy again. It may be that you woke up in a good mood. Maybe you found a few things to be grateful for. I don’t know, I don’t live your life. But I know that you deserve the best life, so don’t settle for anything less.
I ended up losing the weight by accident in high school. I had gotten really active and the pounds just came off. But after high school, it all came back (and then some). For many years I put my value in what I looked like in the mirror and how high the number was on the scale. But in the end, I was miserable. Measuring my worth by numbers…
Are you kidding me? And for what? So that I can prove to others that I can do something right? Pfft! My size, no matter how small or big I may be, is MINE. I take ownership of this body and I no longer am a stomping ground for people’s fat phobias. THAT was my claim to stepping out of my box. And THAT was my first tip-toe into learning who (and whose) I am.
It was a bumpy road learning to be confident in this body. But when you start from the inside and work your way to the outside, things change perspective, and I learned that my beauty lies within. No number, magazine, or fat-shamer can tell me different. On top of that, I was able to start the journey to learning who Tanaya is.
This is the first step to that beautiful land we missed out on when we huddled inside our boxes. This is our time to be the BEST us. Let’s get it!
Be gentle with yourself. Speak life. Love hard.
What is something you are starting to figure out about yourself that brings you joy? Mine is that I love recording corny videos in my room! Hahaha! Leave a comment and let me know!
(P.s. yes it has you sign in, but it is not signing you up for anything I promise. It just makes it so that bots/spammers have a harder time commenting.)