Dating Outside Your Race|Part IV: Advice for the Brave
Goodday Starshine! This is the FINAL part of the Dating Outside Your Race series, and I am sooooo glad for it to be finished. I have had some fun conversations about this subject, but it’s been a couple months in the making and mama is tired.
I first want to thank everyone that helped out with their stories! You can see who my brave volunteers are at the end 🙂
This post will be semi-short and sweet. I just wanted to give some advice for those people that are deciding to date outside their race, my volunteers also have something for you too. I asked them if there was something they’d wished they’d known before dating, and I also asked if other volunteers would like to give advice. Here are SOME of the answers. I hope you can take some of these with you.
“ I was well aware of the reactions and difficulties of dating outside of my race, but I do wish I spoke with the women in my life who are in interracial relationships sooner. It was comforting and reassuring, because their experiences were very similar to mine.” -Anonymous
“I have to remind myself of this constantly but keep an open mind. Especially when communicating with my partner. There is more than one way of doing something in the world. That way you are able to learn different perspectives. [Don’t let] other people’s opinion influence you. There are times where people make racist comments towards my fiance. That is where you as a partner should step in and stand up for your partner and your relationship. It is not easy, but hopefully it will get easier as time goes on.” -Adrienne Gruenes
“I just hope that those who choose to date outside the race will always be strong enough to ignore other’s opinions because it’s important to have faith and strength in your own relationship even when others doubt you.” -Kelly Her
” Take the risk. Be upfront with your parents, and let them know that as their child you’re not looking for approval but support. Just know that your parents might say negative thoughts about the other race to try and get you to only date [your own]. But, you have to stand your ground and mean what you say. Try to educate the person you’re dating about the culture, and DEFINITELY have your partner’s back because your parents will more than likely not agree with it. Especially if they are traditional. Some Hmong mothers will try and guilt trip you into staying in the Hmong race, and no one wants to see their mom in that kind of state. But it’s okay to disagree with your mom, because eventually they’re going to see that their child is really making the best decision. It is an uphill battle that could make or break your family” -Peter Vang
” I love it that these types of relationship brings everyone together. The only thing that should and really matters is your happiness.” -Pazao Yang
“Enjoy the ride. Always remember that you and your partner are on the same team, and you both are fighting the fight, not each other. Love hard, and stand your ground.” -Tanaya
This all came together from the support of everyone that took the time out to share their stories. Thank you all!
Tavia is a family friend who I’ve known for years. She is beautifully pictured here with her boyfriend of 2 years. (Black and Dominican relationship)
Oscar Corral, born in Chihuahua, Mexico. He is a dear friend of mine who gave me an interesting take on dating when people don’t know what race you are.
Kelly Her is a Hmong-American woman. She was dating a biracial (black/white) man. She shared her perspective on interracial dating from a “rebellious” point of view.
Pazao Yang. One of my closest friends. She is Hmong-American and is also dating inside her race. But it was fun to know her opinion on the subject of interracial dating. She cute or whateva.
Laura Stoffel is an old gal pal of mine from college. She sat with me at our fave coffee house to talk about her views of interracial dating (from the outside)
Damara Hernandez and her family. She is a beloved cousin of mine who shared her experience marrying into the Mexican culture.
Peter Vang is Hmong-American. This was his first interracial relationship
Adrienne Gruenes is engaged to an Indian man. Don’t they look amazing?
This is me, Poetik. I am a black woman who has dated interracially for years. My most recent interracial relationship was with a Hmong-American man for 6 years.
To the ones that were not comfortable with sharing their identity, I solute your bravery and openness to have these discussions with me.