• Tanaya Eyvette

Body Positivity Changed My Life

Good day Starshine!


Have you guys ever wondered how plus size women have the confidence to go out there and flaunt their bodies, sans shame?!


Me too! (although I am one of them)


Let’s just say this, wearing outfits (like the pictures you see in this post) took some hard work to get used to.

please consider the beautiful, tan, glam with the fedora hat. her leopard skirt really compliments her glowing legs. #tanlegsfordays.


Throughout my life, I have struggled with my weight. I’d lose a ton (unintentionally) and gain it right back (unintentionally). Many times I would talk down to myself because I was just so unhappy with how I looked. I loved everything about me from the shoulders and above. True story!


The caption on the photo is by request. She actually has nothing to do with this post, but Miss. Diva had to make a statement. The real caption is this:


The girls and I took a trip to Vegas and, as you can see, I stick out like a sore thumb. I’m the tallest, and the biggest. But I still wore my damn bikini. I stood in the middle to prove to myself that I loved this body, and I wasn’t going to feel shame. Although an older lady shook her head at my swim suit, I laughed at the constant negative looks I receive from WOMEN about my confidence.


Many days, I decided to isolate myself from hanging out with old friends because I didn’t want them to comment on ‘how much I’ve changed’ (read: Damn girl you got big).


As the years progressed, however, I’ve started to see myself much differently. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have those days when I am just not happy looking in the mirror. Especially on those days when I’ve been trying so hard to change that, and it just seems to not work. But at the end  of the day, I know that I must love my body no matter what stage it is in.

The night I said F— it, and wore this tight dress. I felt so beautiful, and I had some strong beauties with me. I only had one negative comment thrown my way, and it was from an older lady telling me “you sure stuffed that body in that dress”. I looked at her and smiled, knowing that by me merely walking with confidence in this dress, just pissed her the hell off. I knew I was working it, and I wasn’t about to let her opinion change that.


Why?


Because if I treat my body badly, then I am opening that door for others to do the same.


So, to combat the negative stigmas about plus size women wearing tight clothes, or showing too much skin, I say F—- your standards and the box you live in!


My body is not here for you to decide what it can be placed in. . As long as there is a piece of clothing in my size that I like, I will wear it. If I want to wear a freaking bikini, I will! If I want to wear high waist pants that accentuate my stomach area, then I will!

70’s Party with my high waist pants. I was afraid to sit because my stomach would accentuate. ( I was more afraid of what the OG’s would whisper about my weight). Yet, I talked myself out of that negative thinking and rocked the damn fit!


The real problem here is that we let our biggest coaches down. That biggest coach being ourselves. At the end of the day, we can have trainers, life coaches, good friends, parents, but they are not the ones we hear 24 hours a day.


Our own voices are.


And if your own voice is calling yourself ‘fat’ or ‘ugly’ or finding any thing to talk down on, then you need to whip that coach into shape. Because you are beautiful, no matter what your body looks like.


I had to make a change, inwardly. It’s tough, especially trying to counter all of the negative things I was told about myself and believing them to be true.

Here are the facts, though.

  1. I am a woman

  2. I am a poet

  3. I am loving

  4. I am beautiful

  5. I am creative

  6. I am eclectic

  7. I am a deep thinker

  8. I am loved

  9. I am me

  10. I am not you

Are any of those facts negated because I am plus size?

No.

Are any of those facts going to change because I’m plus size?

No.

So, why are we so quick to lift someone else up about their bodies, and we can’t seem to do the same for ourselves?

My sisters and I


Because most of us have been trained that beauty is all about being something we are not. Being skinny will not create happiness.


Do you know why?


‘Cause once you get skinny, where is your worth coming from? What is your influence? Who do you search for that validation to feel beautiful in that new body?

We live in a day and age where we search for those affirmations from other people. If we post a picture and it only gets a few likes, we think that maybe I’m just not pretty enough…



If we do ourselves up, go out on the town, and no one compliments us, we think that maybe we are that ‘ugly friend’.


Think about it though, you are only ugly if you believe that you are.


So, the answer to our questions of confidence isn’t about our bodies at all. It is realizing who we are, what we are, and appreciating the vessel we are in

Confidently.


When we start to understand ourselves, and being our own biggest supporter and coach, then we will stop making other people’s opinions of us, facts.

That’s what body positivity is! It is knowing yourself, and appreciating every ‘flaw’ (read: beauty bonus), and not comparing yourself to other people.


Because you are not them, you are you, and that is perfect enough.


P.S. Comparison is the thief of joy. I had to learn this as well. You don’t know how many times I would shrink in a room when I was surrounded by my gorgeous sisters and friends. I thought that I was the ugly sister, and that’s why no one liked me. I look too different from them.

I’ve never actually posted this picture, because I didn’t like the pooch sticking out. But…I look just fine! Don’t fool yourself!


It was all in my head.


The only reason I felt low, was because I refused to see my own beauty when I was around them. I admired their beauty so much, that I didn’t feel pretty because I had none of their features.


I am the darkest skinned sister. I am the only one with a gap-toothed smile. My boobs are 1 1/2 sizes different than each other. I have cellulite for days. My teeth are kind of yellow. & I have a lisp.


But you know what? All of those physical differences set me aside from anyone else so that I can possibly be an inspiration to people dealing with being different than the ‘norm’.

I was on my way home to change, because I felt ‘small’ in the room full of gorgeous women. I didn’t like my stomach lining my skirt, and I shrank. But, I pulled myself together and rocked that damn outfit all night!


I chose to walk, and be, confident and body positive because you never know who might be going through that same struggle.


So, Body Positivity is essential to change how you see yourself and your life. It comes with so many perks (i.e. unapologetic fashion sense). Love yourself!



My birthday outfit. I absolutely LOVVVEDDDD how I looked. I was happy to be able to celebrate my life, and that body I rock in it.














XX

Tanaya


P.S.S. Are there things you’ve struggled (or are struggling) with that you don’t know how to accept or change? Comment below, or email me @ poetiktanaya@gmail.com 

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